Green Pastures

*Written before we had our little miracle on February 15, 2018. Playing catch up in between the snuggles...will write about her birth and the days since soon!

Before jumping into regular posts, I figured it might be beneficial to do a brief update on my life for the past...ehhh...9ish months.

I had several ideas for what to title this post...I could go simple with "Hyperemesis Woes," humorous with "Blowing Chunks," orrrr educational with "The Catastrophic Nature of Barfing into an Automatically-Flushing Toilet." I decided to go with a name relating to a video I have rewatched many times during this pregnancy. Perhaps it can bring you the same peace it has afforded me...

It's been a long road. The throwing up began on June 24th, 2017. Since then I've thrown up every day, multiple times a day, with lots of eventful days in between: 

• Countless bags of IV fluids (glucose, vitamins, etc.).

• PICC line insertion when I lost over 20% of my body weight.

• Lots of extra ultrasounds.
• Throwing up to the SOUND of a food commercial in the other room.
• Low blood pressure episodes (SO thankful for Evan for helping me get dressed, get up three flights of stairs to our apartment, etc.)
• Subchorionic hemorrhage. One of the scariest mornings of my life.
• PICC line removal due to infection.

• Experimenting with different medications and the fun side effects of each.
• Daily hospital trips for fluid food.
• Realizing that creating a paper chain of "hard days left" can be more depressing than helpful...We ended up throwing this out fairly soon after making it.

And I have a confession. I've been an absolute wreck on lots of days. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, and lately it's been difficult to keep my spirits and patience levels up. As I've heard of other people who go through similar things during their pregnancy, I feel sad because I don't even know what exactly to recommend to make it more manageable. It's just HARD.

One day, about halfway through my pregnancy, I came across the below video. It discusses a biblical scripture that I've always liked, but didn't fully understand contextually. Now I like it even more...Maybe it can prove to be a haven for your heart, as it has mine...

"[Hang] in there today and God will take care of tomorrow"... SO much easier to remember with the help of family and friends. Though I still have my "rock bottom" days, and the days when my tears and sass levels continue to rise exponentially (yes, my husband is a SAINT), I want to remember some of the "green pastures" of the last 9 months...

• Joy of the sound of the heartbeat.

• Feeling and WATCHING my tummy roll with baby girl.
• Watching my tummy start to grow.

• Watching little girl via the extra ultrasounds. She even flashed this "hang loose" sign during one of our more recent appointments. Think she's trying to send me a message?! HA!

• Closeness I've felt with Evan as he's washed my body, my hair, helped me get dressed, carried me up the three flights of stairs to our apartment, had him sit with me during painful enemas, holding my hair and rubbing my back while I'm barfing... He's seen more barf and tears on the DAILY than anyone should have to. I love him.
• TV show binge watching with Evan (Little House on the Prairie, The Office, documentaries, etc.)
• VIVID dreams at night of FOOD! (most reoccurring involve burgers, pasta, lasagna, and waffles). Just the other night I dreamt I attended a wedding that catered ROWS AND ROWS of Taco Bell crunch wrap supremes with buckets of avocado ranch sauce on the side...I've also dreamt several times of swimming in pools of lasagna...Costa Vida...I'm COMING FOR YOU.

• Card games with family. Rook anyone? (Yes, that's my hot husband, and no, you won't win playing against us. We're unstoppable. My brother-in-law even got me this awesome shirt for Christmas ha).

• Sweet letters from Charley to our little girl
• Getting pampered by Riley. In case you were wondering, my toes are ALL SET for my delivery day. :)

• Living vicariously through the conversations and things Evan learns throughout the day. Here he's teaching me something from the comfort of my bed. :)

• Baby clothes. I sent Evan out to get me a new toothbrush, and he came back with this...

• The most thoughtful Christmas/birthday gifts from family members
• Discovering that the toilets in whatever public place I'm in are NOT those automatic flushing ones that always seem to flush at the most inopportune times... (can you say BARF FACE?! Ew.)
• Time with my sweet husband. Between his tough courses, studying for the MCAT, and work, I cherish my time with him more than just about anything.

• The most beautiful baby shower. I have the best friends and family in the world.

WE ARE SO EXCITED TO MEET OUR LITTLE GIRL! Heaven knows she's a fighter...