To Be a Mother...

What does it mean to YOU to be a mother? How would you define it? Are there other people you think of besides your own mom?

All my life I’ve wanted to be a “mother”… since I was three years old, according to my mom. 

Yes, this is me. Playing "mom," Reading to my "baby" in our cereal house (have to have cereal in order for it to be a home, obviously).

I don’t have “stage” talents – unlike each of my family members who could each probably start their own Youtube channels and start raking in millions (if any of my sisters are reading this, I’ll help with the filming. And maaaaaaybe be a backup interpretive dancer. You just gotta say the word). 

One of the best concerts I've been to. (P.S. I'm the gal in the overalls holding the "spotlight" in the back. The singer is my sister Melissa, and the lucky audience is sister Riley).

But I do love kids. Like, a LOT a lot a lot. I’m pretty sure I’ve always been attracted to helping love and take care of those younger than me. That’s not to say I was always very nice…I remember getting into a couple fights with my sisters over who was going to play “mom” in our games of “house” (don’t worry guys, I always won).

And after marrying the love of my life…

Some of my favorite children - AKA the 8 nieces and nephews I gained in marrying this hunk.

You could say I was one of those gals ready to start having kids like…PRONTO.

CAN YOU SAY BABY HUNGRY?!?

Sorry, I couldn't resist. And if you're wondering...I was hungryhungryHUNGRY.

But lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what my own definition is of “mother.” Because it’s my dream, you see…becoming one of them…

Here’s the short of my story.

Not long after being married, I got pregnant (insert jumping on Evan at 4:30am to tell him, and dragging him out on a run to watch the sunrise because I had SO MUCH ENERGY). Time passed, and unfortunately I ended up having a late miscarriage, and we lost our sweet baby girl.

We tried getting pregnant for a year after that – fertility medications, tracking the cycles with those fancy iPhone apps, the whole shebang (for anyone that hasn’t gone through something like this, it the frustratingest, hardest, most bummy thing ever) until I was stamped with an INFERTILE diagnosis. We cried. I experienced a pain more deep than I think I’ve ever felt before. And then…

The day before calling the fertility clinic to set up our first consultation appointment, I found out I was pregnant. We planned to announce on Father’s Day, because we thought we’d definitely be far enough along to be in the “safe zone.”

Shortly before then, I miscarried that pregnancy.

Thankfully I have a husband who loves me enough to watch chick flicks and buy me my random hormonal cravings and make sure my nails are always in tip top shape because man that week, month, couple months was ROUGH.

Ten points if you can name this movie.

Yes, this is my little brother. But I consumed the same in a similar manner.

Told ya he's the best.

And in all my “down” time I’ve been thinking about what being a “mother” really means. I mean…I don’t really have much of a clue, because I’ve never actually BEEN one before (I do have spider veins all over my legs and I’m still experiencing weird hormonal cravings, so I have a teeeeeeensy bit of proof that I at least began the process) (I won’t show you pictures of my legs though, so that you guys can still have happy dreams tonight).

Neill F. Marriott said: 

“Eve was called a ‘mother’ before she had children. I believe that ‘to mother’ means ‘to give life.’ Think of the many ways you give life. It could mean giving emotional life to the hopeless or spiritual life to the doubter. With the help of the Holy Ghost, we can create an emotionally healing place for the discriminated against, the rejected, and the stranger…sisters, all of us came to earth with these life-giving, nurturing, maternal gifts because that is God’s plan.”

I don’t know about you guys, but by this definition, I have like a ZILLION people who have “mothered” me throughout my life.

                                             (Plus a zillion other women...)

I hope I am in no way undermining those who are actual parents. I will not pretend to understand the incredibly tough (and hopefully rewarding??) task that is characteristic of raising children full time. My own mom is my HERO, and I hope to be even a tiny miniscule portion of the mom she is.

 

I am only suggesting that perhaps we ought to expand our own definitions of motherhood to include those people in our lives who have “given life” to us in one form or another.

I don’t know what adventures lie in store for Evan and I. We may continue to struggle with bouts of infertility and pregnancy loss. We may be blessed to someday have our own biological children. We may be blessed to bring more children into our homes via foster care or adoption than we previously anticipated.

Whatever adventures may befall us, I CAN STILL BE A MOTHER NOW, in my own way. I’m gonna do all I can to become the best mother I can possibly be, come what may.

Whether you’re married, single, childless, or have a houseful of children, I think all women can all qualify as “mothers” in some way…At least develop the characteristics associated with motherhood...what do you think?

I share these thoughts and these feelings because I’ve recently learned that a TON of families go through this, and for some reason, it’s taboo. Maybe by reading this you can gain some strength, or know that you’re not alone. Or maybe this will simply be a venue that allows for my own healing journey. Whatever it is, I hope this place can be a safe haven for someone. And  besides...

What do you guys think?

What mothers (whether biological or not) have had an impact on your life?